


Disarm

by scrappymitchell



Category: Station 19 (TV)
Genre: F/F, Fix-It, Fuck u writers, Hurt/Comfort, Making Up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-08
Updated: 2020-05-08
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:22:07
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,304
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24073636
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scrappymitchell/pseuds/scrappymitchell
Summary: Basically I found last nights episode (3x15) insluting to Maya's character and the Marina relationship so I decided to do my own version which hopefully people enjoy more. Bone apple teeth. :)
Relationships: Maya Bishop/Carina DeLuca
Comments: 15
Kudos: 236





	Disarm

Maya just wanted to forget everything that happened with her mother the other week. Being away from her certainly helped, as soon as she left Maya went into default to ensure everything in her life went back to how it was. She didn’t need to dive into her parents divorce, she didn’t find it her business to get involved in what she saw as her mother’s mistake and would wait for the phone call that would result in an apology from her for her _accusations_ she put against Maya's dad. Because he wasn’t like that. He _wasn’t_. 

One of the things that she was driven to going back to normal was Carina, and what they had together. Before all of this their relationship was going pretty much perfect. Carina had this thing about her, this _pull_ that no matter what she did, she could suck Maya in. Whether that be pulling her out of panic attacks, or holding her whilst she cried and then all the _other_ stuff. All the other stuff which made Maya come at a loss of breath in every intoxicatingly amazing way possible. She didn’t want to lose that, Maya didn’t want to lose _her_. So after taking a few days to gather herself together, she called her and apologised for the way that she acted and Carina was in front of her at the apartment within a half of hour. 

The rest of the morning consisted of Maya bringing Carina into her arms as soon as she saw fit and then wasting no time in going to the bedroom for a real apology. Being with Carina was different than when she had been with anyone else, man or woman. She made her feel things that she didn’t know were exactly possible, and she wrote that down to that it was perhaps because they were so emotionally connected that it took things to another level. Plus Carina just really knew what she was doing so there was always that too, she knew so well that Maya could crumble everytime Carina pulled away, leaving her wanting to plead for more.

After their _making up_ they rested in bed together, laughing and joking; feeling happy once again. Carina’s fingers swam into Maya’s locks as Maya just gazed at her. She really felt like she was falling for her, _hard_. Or maybe she already had, she was still trying to figure it out if she had fallen in love with Carina...but she was certainly leaning towards that revelation. Carina looked into her eyes whilst still playing with her hair “How do you feel?” 

“Right now? Amazing” Maya proclaimed with a still flustered giggle in her throat. 

“I mean-” Carina hesitated for a moment before following through “With your momma?”

There was a small silence, both of them now wanted to be careful. Maya didn’t want to snap too soon to Carina trying to help and Carina didn’t want to come across as though she was pushing when all she wants to do is to try and get Maya to connect to the root of the problem between her and her mom, which effectively was her admitting her _idol_ was abusive towards her. She knew that wasn’t easy but she also knew Maya needed to confront it in order to save the relationship with her mother. “I haven’t talked to her since the spaghetti dinner”

“Don’t you think you should try?”

“Why?” Maya kept her tone somewhat light hearted, but she already didn’t want to discuss this further. Carina laughed nervously “Because she’s your mom and she’s hurting”

Maya pulled her arm away from resting under Carina’s head as she sat up “That’s not my problem. If she wants to ruin her life and live in a motel forever because of some raised voices that’s her choice” she starts to get changed when she hears Carina sit up behind her, feeling her hand rest down on her back “I get that this is hard for you, Maya. But don’t you think there is some truth to what your mom said-”

“Stop” Maya turns her head harshly to Carina “I know I lashed out at you the night of the dinner and I’m still sorry I did but just” she turns away when exhaling deeply and running her fingers through her hair as she gets up from the bed and breathes with exhaustion “Don’t push it” 

Carina’s eyes followed as Maya headed towards the door “That is not my intention”

“Then why are you so driven on it?” Maya asks sharply with her hand on the door handle “You don’t know anything about this so like I said _please_ don’t push it” she opens the door and leaves before Carina can even get another word in. 

Carina bowed her head into her heads for a moment to allow herself to release a heavy sigh. She just wanted to help but felt like she was at a crossroads. She can’t be like Maya and bury this way, it wouldn’t be healthy for either of them to try and act like this wasn’t an issue that Maya needed to face, she wouldn’t be a good girlfriend or _whatever she was_ if she didn’t try and make Maya see that. Whilst Maya was in the shower, Carina got out of bed and got herself refreshed and changed into her clothes, she made the bed back to its original neat layout before they came in and messed it up.

She made her way down the hall and into the kitchen where she made herself a coffee, she had gotten pretty used to making herself at home here given that a lot of her nights for the past few weeks had been here. It wasn’t that long after making herself a drink that Maya came out of hiding now dressed herself. Carina hummed as she swallowed down the beverage “There’s still some coffee” she smiles in attempts to lighten the mood “Want some?”

Maya says nothing and just shakes her head as she heads straight to the refrigerator and takes out a handful of vegetables to put together a salad. Still silence as she makes her way to the centre counter and starts to chop everything up to put into the bowl. Carina sits herself down on the stool and just watches her for a few long seconds before she can’t take much longer “How long are you going to angry chop at me?”

“I’m just chopping” Maya replies bluntly with her eyes still on the knife. 

Carina decides to try again but looks down this time due to her nerves kicking back into try and get back onto the topic. She mentions her father and his bipolar disorder, something which Maya knew about and yet still _nothing_ . She mentions that her brother Andrew now has the same condition. _Nothing._ All that she gained from it was the annoyed look on Maya’s face followed by her saying that she didn’t want to discuss this if it was leading back to the topic of her own father. Shutting herself off yet again. 

Carina didn’t actually think Maya’s dad did have bipolar or any other mental illness, from the way Maya’s mother talked about it, it sounded he was a bully and sometimes it was that plain and simple. A bully and a control freak who made Maya feel so small when she didn’t meet his targets, and it cuts Carina up even having to envision that. She imagined Maya in her room crying herself to sleep because she didn’t do daddy proud and then Carina herself would burst out into tears herself, it made her heart hurt. 

“What I’m trying to say Maya is your mind is brilliant and maybe you think you’re too smart to be in denial maybe you think you’re too smart to have been abused-”

That was it. That was the word that made Maya snap. _Abused_. She put the knife down after a hard cut and took her eyes solely back onto Carina “I’m not interested in talking”

“I’m just trying to help-”

“He _never_ hit me” 

The conversation rolled out into more of an argument. Carina knew that Maya knew that hitting someone isn’t the only from of abuse, as she said Maya had a brilliant mind and right now she wasn’t being stupid but she was being naive. Carina was trying to speak to her from a victim’s point of view because she _was_ a victim but Maya was being so stubborn that it was like getting blood from a stone. 

Maya took a breath and settled her voice but the anger was still there at the back of her throat “I don’t want to fight with you”

“I don’t want to fight with you either”

“Then I think you should go” 

Carina stared at her with more pain filling up in her eyes, it was like a stabbing to her chest. It wasn’t long ago that she was crying and pleading for her brother to get the help he needed and now she was right back again with someone else she loved. Because she did, she loved Maya. She was _in_ love with Maya. “This is not how you handle a fight...Maya I-” she couldn’t. She couldn’t say it right now, it was not the time. When she imagines telling Maya she loves her it isn’t when Maya isn’t herself. “I’m here for you. I’m not leaving” 

Maya pressed her lips together “Okay. I’m gonna...I need to run” she backs away from the counter and starts to walk away from Carina altogether “So I’m gonna, I’m gonna go on a run”

Carina spun around on the stool before she got up and walked over to looking down the hallway where Maya was heading, her voice wobbled as she called over to the blonde “We can’t... _move_ forward together if you don’t have any of this, babe!”

Maya turned back to her and raised her own voice but in a much more stern and sappy tone “I am trying to move forward but _you_ won’t let me!”

“Burying something in the sand is not the same as moving forward! I care about you too much to watch you do this” 

“Then as I said you can go”

Carina bit her lip as her eyes began to sting from the emotions building up, she shook her head “I also care about you too much to do that either” 

Maya scoffed with the shrug of her shoulders and pulled open the front door “Well while you figure it out, I’m going”

And like before, Maya shut another door on Carina but this time leaving the whole apartment. Carina let out a deep still shaken breath, folding her arms before knocking her head back tried to just process everything. She could leave, but she wasn’t going to. She refused to leave. She wasn’t going to prove Maya right by her thinking that Carina would walk out easily like everyone else she feels does in her life. She was going to prove that she wanted Maya and wanted to be with her no matter what. Even if it meant keeping herself cooped up in her apartment all day. 

* * *

Maya tried to get out all her aggressions in her working out, but then Andy came in talking about suspicions about her own dad being not who he seemed and it just got her even more pissed. She thought a long steam filled shower would help but yet again it didn’t. 

Her last resort before returning to the apartment that she had now been gone from for around four hours was to lock herself in her office for a little bit. She thought she’d have numerous calls and texts from Carina blowing up her phone but she was surprised to see she didn’t. Carina was giving her space barring the _one_ text message she left which read as. 

  
  


_I am not trying to hurt you. I want to be the person to take care of you, I’m still here at the apartment please come back soon so we can talk._

  
  


Maya didn’t bother to respond, not just yet. She debated on calling Carina when she was ready to take herself back home just to check she was still there. She was split on whether she hoped she was or not, because despite how deeply she cared for that woman she was still just so angry at her. She felt like Carina was trying to tell her _how_ to feel but just as she snapped at Andy an hour ago for how she was talking about Pruitt, it made her wonder if she did see her dad in some other type of way now. 

Maya took some files from herself and made her way over to her desk when she clocked Jack at her door when she asked plainly “What’re you still doing here?”

“Just catching up on some work, you?” Maya answered bluntly when standing behind her desk. Jack furthermore informed her on the events of the day, which Maya did care about but right now she didn’t have the mindset to discuss it in further detail “Thank you for notifying me” 

And yet Jack didn’t move, he still stood there and started to talk about the one thing it seemed his mind only _could_ comprehend to talk about. Andy. His now pretty happily _married_ ex girlfriend, a conversation Maya really couldn’t care less about. “Have you talked to Andy? I’m worried about her?”

“What a surprise the men in Andy’s life are worried about her is that she's fine, Jack. She’s grieving her father let her do that however she needs to” 

She hoped that would be it. That Jack would walk out the door but instead he closed it behind him to talk about it further, not taking the hint whatsoever. “We are Andy’s closest friends, Maya. You and me”

“And as her friends we should give her some space not everyone needs therapy, Jack”

Jack stares at her with offense written across his entire expression. But she wasn’t making any kind of shady remark to his therapy but more so referencing her own problems. She sighs with the shake of her head “Sorry. That wasn’t about you...Carina keeps trying to get me to admit to something that isn’t true and I’m sick of it, y’know my father-”

“Is a real prick” Jack nods with whole confidence in his statement whilst Maya just stares at him stunned. An argument brewed between the two of them now, it seemed to be a running theme for her today. Jack points to her and accuses her of hating how people know her well, that she drives on being closed off and anyone who gets close can be a threat. Not wanting to bite down the bullet of all the truth that was pouring from his mouth, Maya walks to the door and opens it, demanding him to get out. But he provokes more “Does Carina know what’s coming yet or are you gonna blind side her like you did me?”

“Get the hell out of my office”

“Way to prove my point. You’re broken, Maya”

“Oh the foster beau without a daddy is calling _me_ broken?”

“Yeah well I’d rather have no daddy than have yours!”

Maya’s hand leaves the door as she steps forward to Jack and snarls “Don’t you dare talk about my father ever”

“Or what?”

She puts her hands to his chest in a hard slap which pushes him back one small step when her voice rises more “Or I will _bury_ you!”

“Threats of violence that checks out” 

Maya goes to slap his chest yet again “Shut up, Jack!” as she goes to make the action again, Jack catches her wrist just in time before she can make any impact to his chest, it causes her to be pulled a little bit closer to him. Jack doesn’t let out, her hand now rests on his chest as she keeps her close whilst she lets out sharp _boiling hot_ angry breaths. 

Jack keeps his eyes locked onto Maya’s as they stare at each other. After a few seconds more, Maya registers that Jack is leaning forward to kiss her and for a moment she freezes, allowing him to get close. But then Carina comes to her mind, Carina and her beautiful smile. Carina and the way she says Maya’s name so softly when they lie in bed together. Carina and her genuine care to just try and help Maya. _Carina_ . It registers in her mind fast enough for Maya to draw her head back _just_ as Jack’s lips skim across hers but still manages to prevent a real kiss, Maya steps back and stares at him when breathing sharply “What are you doing?” 

Jack clears his throat with a now sheepish shake of his head “I don’t-uh, I’m sorry I thought you-”

“I don’t. I don’t want _that_ , I’m with Carina” she scoffs “Is it impossible for you to go with women who aren’t involved?”

Jack presses his lips together but before he manages to get a word out, Maya holds up her hand and mutters with exhaustion in her tone “Just leave, Jack” 

She takes herself away from him; she walks back over to her desk and looks down to her phone. Staring at the text message still on her lockscreen from Carina, she lets out a breath and only knows Jack is gone by the sound of the door closing. 

Maya covers her mouth with her palm when she looks up and centre forward to the window, surprising tears filled her eyes and ran down her cheeks, hating herself suddenly for what she almost just let happen. 

* * *

Maya didn’t know if Carina was still going to be at the apartment by the time that she got back given that her phone had died before she had the chance to text Carina back to tell her that she was on her way back to the apartment. But rest assured when she walked into her home she saw Carina sitting on the cushioned long footstool at the end of the hall beside her bedroom. 

She was here, she had stayed. And Maya suddenly felt riddled with guilt because even though nothing happened it almost did because she debated it. And even just debating it was bad enough. Maya sucked in a breath as tears built in her eyes when she stepped forward “I thought you’d have left”

“I almost did but then I thought you…” Carina took in a breath and sighed “I don’t know what I thought I just knew I couldn’t leave. I wouldn’t be able to rest without seeing you” 

Maya pressed her lips together as she walked closer “You really care that much?”

“Are you kidding me?” Carina asked softly, _what kind of question is that?_ Carina tilted her hand and unfolded her crossed legs as she frowned deeply “Of course I care that much. I care about you more than I have cared about anyone in a long time. I know I should give you space but I feel like you’re pushing me away”

Maya sucked in another breath through her nose as she nodded, for a moment she stopped her treks “I’ve been angry”

“And I understand it. I understand you’re going through a lot and I don’t want to get frustrated with you but I just want to know what you _need_ Maya-”

“You” Maya suddenly blurts which causes Carina to look back directly at her with a surprised look on her face. Maya nodded again and walked more “I need you and I am so sorry for the way I’ve been acting” 

She gets so close to Carina that she kneels down in front of her, only then did Carina really see the look in her eyes and just saw tears. Her brows gently pinched together as she curled fingertips gently rested at Maya’s cheeks “Please don’t cry” 

“I don’t want to lose you, I don’t want to lose what we have”

“You don’t _have_ to lose me-”

“I almost kissed Jack” Maya blurts again, this time with a frightened sharp inhale following and a shaken breath then releases. She sees the hurt and immediate pain on Carina’s face. Maya shakes her head and grasps onto her hands as they left her face “I don’t know how it happened but he was in my office and we started arguing and then we just got close and…” she bows her head, looking down to her hands which were still holding onto Carina’s with hear life.

Then she heard Carina ask in a low mumble “Nothing happened?”

“He leaned to kiss me and his lips _barely_ touched mine before I pulled back. I froze” Maya snapped her head back up, tears running down her cheeks.

Carina kept her tone the same “Did you feel scared of him? Is that why you froze?”

“No” Maya cried “I was thinking about it”

“Thinking about kissing him?” Carina raised her brows as she spoke with more venom in her tone, eyes still glazed with tears; she tried to pull her hands out of Maya’s hold but Maya just held onto them again as she tried to keep her where she was and quickly spoke up “It lasted a second and then I thought of you and I pulled away and told him to leave because I don’t want that. I don’t want him. I don’t want anyone to try and make me feel better but you...you're the only person I want and I hate that it took something like Jack trying to kiss me to make me realise” 

Carina stays silent for a moment, she’s still angry and still heart that Maya _thought_ about going behind her back with someone else, Maya could see it in her eyes even though Carina now kept them away from her, Maya tilted her head and cried “You have _every_ single right to be angry, maybe even hate me and now want to leave me...this morning I asked you to leave but right now Carina I am _begging_ you to stay. I swear to you it won’t happen _again-nothing_ like that will ever happen again” 

Maya’s hand travels up to the back of Carina’s neck, her thumb pressing against her jaw as she leans up to get closer when she whispers faintly “I am so sorry”

Carina finally looks at her, Maya shrugs and holds eye contact when nodding “For everything...my dad is just a sensitive subject because I think in a way _I’ve_ been grieving him. Grieving who I thought he was and I took it out on you, and you don’t deserve that. I am broken I’ve told you this before...and I remember what you said about not fixing broken people-”

“That's before I became involved with one” Carina finally spoke, eyes still filling her eyes as she muttered “Before I found myself _falling_ for someone broken before”

Maya looks at her, surprised by the statement. Carina lightly shakes her head and whispers “You’ve hurt me, Maya”

“I know...and I hate myself because of it. I know you don't deserve anything like that because you are the most caring and loving person I've had in my life possibly _ever_ and I've been horrible I see that now” Maya swallows thickly, keeping her thumb stroking against Carina’s skin before she nods and assures with solid confidence “I might not be ready to talk fully about my dad but I _can_ do better. I want to do better for _you_. I’ll try-I’m not saying I’ll be easy but I’ll try to not shut off if you just give me the chance I can prove it to you”

A small silence filled between the two of them, both having tears filling their eyes. Until finally Carina just nods softly “Okay” she presses her lips together to try and suppress her emotions “I am taking into how hurt you've been and everything you've been dealing with...and I am taking you at your word right now, I am trusting you, Maya. But please don't hurt me” 

“I won’t and I swear I won't let you down” Maya says in a voice that Carina knows is said as a promise, she takes a few more moments gazing further into Maya and then whispers softly with a still vulnerable voice that makes it sound as more of a plea for something she needs “ _Baciami_ ”

Maya releases a crying sigh of relief as a tearful smile rests gently on her lips from the familiar words, she leans forward and presses a gentle, tender and completely loving kiss on Carina’s lips which slowly deepens. _This_ was who she should be kissing, it was that simple. Kissing Carina made her feel alive. No one would compare, she could never think about looking at anyone else anymore. Maya rests her palms on Carina’s lips as she whispers whilst her lips were still close to hers and their eyes were remaining shut “I’m sorry”

“I know” Carina nods, brushing her forehead against Maya’s before she pulls her back in for another soft kiss. 

They then fall into an embrace, holding onto each other so incredibly tight. Maya got lucky today, she was so close to blowing everything up. But if today had taught her anything, it was that she will never let herself get so close to ruining her and Carina like this ever again. She could be holding the love of her life in her arms right now, she had to protect that no matter what. And from this day forward, she was determined to do so. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! Thoughts???


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